Some dates for your diary:
9th November 2011 - the first day EVER to come directly before 10th November 2011. There will be a celebration in a cardboard box in a lay-by off the M5 junction near West Bromwich, Birmingham.
18th December 2011 - Eat-An-Igloo Day. Join us, in Inari, Finland! Bring lots of hot stuff in flasks for afterwards.
16th February 2012 - Pretend Its 25th April Day! Celebrate this day by putting calendars forward two months, planning your day as you would expect to on 25th April, being optimistic about potential good weather or pessimistic about the coming winter depending on where you live. Wish your friends a happy 25th April! Bear in mind 25th April 2012 is a Wednesday.
2nd June 2012 - Pat-A-Postbox Day. Postboxes deserve a friendly pat. Too often are they taken for granted, and nowadays they are used less and less. Will they ever be truly thanked? Show your appreciation: as you pass your local postbox, give it a friendly pat, and perhaps even a hug. If you're feeling really ambitious, propose to your postbox. It could be the best decision you ever make.
31st July 2046 - Something extremely interesting will happen, specifically in the major cities. Look out for it. If you see it, don't tell anyone. Go home. Sit down. Put on a hat. Wait. Contemplate. Meditate. Annotate. Marinate. Hallucinate. Real Estate. Then prepare for 17TH SEPTEMBER 2999.
17TH SEPTEMBER 2999 - This is it! The day the fish discover volleyball, the day the first heavy metal band consisting entirely of grasshoppers makes its debut performance, the day we are all clued in on the biggest prank of them all. Expect heavy rain, and the smell of vinegar. In Africa, expect orbits, crevasses and vast truths in the sand; in America, expect door-frames and dandruff and everything in between; in Europe, prepare for hedges and harlequins and kitchen sink blockages; in Asia and Australasia, look out for large plastic bones, stone flamingos and the biggest, baddest baguette of them all.
- Meet at reception at 8:55am to sign in. Leaflets, pamphlets, guidebooks, flip-books, manuals, will all be handed out from here. At 9:00 there will be a welcoming in the main hall, followed by a recital of Eric Carle's 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar'. At 10:00, several Amazonian toucans will perform Shakespeare's The Tempest, which will be followed by several muscular, tattooed motorcycle enthusiasts insulting people at random before admitting quietly that they spend most of their time knitting. The main belly dance will begin in room 808 at 12:00, and then, at 1:00 pm, the squawking parade will begin their march, out the main entrance, across the courtyard, and off the edge of the earth.