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January 16, 2012
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Hello all.

It is now time for me to admit that I am a rubber duck, and have been for some time.

I am floating quite aimlessly in a white bathtub, the water in which has long since gone cold, and the bubbles long since forgotten.

It has been a long time since this bath has been inhabited. The inhabitant left several years ago, totally neglecting the plug, the water, and myself. He left abruptly, without reason, just jumped out of the tub and away. He took the soap with him. A couple of years ago, the shampoo bottles decided to leave, and since then, I have had only the taps to talk to, but they speak a gurgling, gluggy language that I can only decipher on rare occasions, and so the conversations we have are generally not great.

This morning, a small, weary spider climbed up over the side of the bath, looking anxious and disturbed. I attempted to commence a discussion about particle physics, but it just sat there for a while, ignoring my every word. Later, it slipped into the water and lay still for a while. It's still there now.

What the future will bring, I do not know. I hope that one day my host will return and refill the tub with nice, hot, bubbly water again, and recommence his bath, but it seems unlikely now. The taps haven't gurgled for weeks, and I am gradually finding myself slipping into a state of delirium. Only yesterday did I convince myself that I was a seventeen-year-old living somewhere up in the north of England studying for A level exams.

The hallucinations are becoming more vivid with each passing day. I can no longer even feel the cold of the bath water. Somewhere inside my rubberduckiness, I can feel a tide, ebbing and flowing like the remains of a cheese and ham sandwich stuck to the back wheel of a car and being repeatedly scraped along the ground as the driver makes a fifth, a sixth, and a seventh attempt to reverse into a narrow gap between two mental health clinics.

One day, I will find myself admitting to the taps that I am a human being, really, and have been for some time. But what they will make of that, I doubt I will ever manage to decipher, however hard I try.
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:iconnooniepuubunny:
~NooniePuuBunny Jan 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It is hard to be a rubber duck alone with his thoughts.

It might be possible that you are a rubber duck dreaming he was a human, or even a human trapped in a rubber duck's body.

Whichever the case, I hope it is settled soon and you can be comfortable with your identity no matter what.
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:iconfriedinsanity:
Oh thank you. :icondobbyplz: But I am no longer confused - I have just learnt from a tremendously reliable source that my parents were both chocolate-coated ice cream cones, therefore I cannot possibly be a rubber duck! ...but I don't feel particularly like an ice cream cone either. :?
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:iconnooniepuubunny:
~NooniePuuBunny Jan 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Maybe because you are chocolaty on the inside. ^_^
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:iconfriedinsanity:
OH I never thought of it like that...

Yes. Now that I think about it.. YES, I think we could be on to something here! I am a natural chocolate reserve!! whoops, better not spread that news. The chocolate shop is getting suspicious.
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:iconnooniepuubunny:
~NooniePuuBunny Jan 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
They would exploit you for your chocolaty goodness with little to no pay and poor conditions.
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:iconfriedinsanity:
EGAD I will not allow it! I shall make for the hills and become a hermit...
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:iconnooniepuubunny:
Mood: Joy ~NooniePuuBunny Jan 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Indeed. God speed! :iconseriousplz:
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:iconxxsanelunaticxx:
!xxsanelunaticxx Jan 17, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
After reading this and some of your other work, I have come to the conclusion that you are one of the most fantastic people on the face of the planet. Marry me? :D
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:iconfriedinsanity:
GAGHAGA, oh thank you so much for saying such a kind thing.
:iconproudplz:
woogoowoooo, if I was a parrot I would squawk with happiness.
That nice offer, well maybe one day we'll meet and agree to go through with the marriage, but right now I'm gonna go and laugh at my amusing piece of cardboard for a couple of hours.
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